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tags: +Persona +spouse

bagmilk:

earthdad:

Kinda rly like a girl what do I do

image

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tags: +help
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tags: +food

sexaulity:

kiss me hard before you go

(Source: sexaulity)

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tentacandy:

Finally. I’m home.

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tags: +relevant

drakefanclub:

I can’t decide who’s me

(Source: thisiselliz)

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beauty on the inside doesn’t get you free drinks

(Source: imnotjailbait)

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perchu:

eating in class when ur not supposed to

image

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tags: +relevant

becausebirds:

Dine and dash.

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Remember, Branch has a date with you in a year.

How could I forget?

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tags: +penileqweef +Interrogate Me

thecutestofthecute:

Australian Cattle Dog/Blue Heeler Appreciation Post

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chevy-raised-jack-daniels-fed:

merrymaudlin:

mercurykiss:

thugburrito:

My faith in pizza guys has gone up 123%

NO LET ME TELL YOU A STORY
So a few weeks ago I was in a hotel in Savannah with my grampa in the hospital next door, Mom was over staying with him, and the battery in the smoke detector went out so every 5 minutes it would let off this loud, high pitched ‘CHIRP’.

It was annoying as fuck, so I called the front desk to see if they had a battery for it, and they said the only thing they could do was change rooms. We’d already settled in for the night, and needed the next door rooms for my uncles the next day, so I said I’d deal. My uncles had my car in the next town over, so I couldn’t drive and get one myself.

An hour later, I’m ordering pizza and have gone insane because the damn thing CHIRPS. SO. MUCH.

So I begged the pizza guy on the phone to stop and get me a battery, told him I’d pay for the battery, and give him an extra tip for it, and he was chill with it. This adorable fucker gets to my room with the battery, opens it, asks to see the smoke detector, CLIMBS ON THE BED, CHANGES THE BATTERY FOR ME, and tests it.

My pizza was only 20 dollars, but I gave him 40 and told him to keep the change.

I am clearly not fully utilizing my pizza delivery person…..

What’s next pizza delivery hitmen

^Someone draw this.

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thestolencaryatid:

passive aggressive family members

"guess i’ll never be a grandma"

"guess i’ll never be an aunt"

"guess i’ll never be able to dress a niece/nephew"

stop feeling so entitled to my hypothetical offspring. it is not yours. it is mine. i will grow it if i grow it. and it will be mine. not yours. i am not an incubator which grants you familial titles. jesus. go away. this “have a baby i can play with” thing is so impersonal and insensitive and annoying.

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neptunain:

that dog is way too calm to literally be giving birth

(Source: shoulderblades)

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twilightxwn:

how flattered are you on a scale of 1 to Axel

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tags: +Kingdom Hearts +YES